Dark Dreams

Posted on Tue Oct 17th, 2017 @ 12:31am by Commander Talia Varen

Mission: A Day in the Life
Location: Leonardo's Quarters

Talia sat curled in her windowseat, alternatively gazing out into space and casting her gaze down to the words on the page open before her. She'd read that page about 20 times and for some reason it wouldn't stay with her. Tension, pure physical tension kept her from her pillow and kept her sleepless this night. What she couldn't figure out was why, she'd done all her meditative exercises and by all rights should be sleeping.

The day had ended as every other before it, tense, uneasy and draining. Working on a Station was flat out, full on work and while he enjoyed it and kept him busy he sometimes found that the want for sleep was also plagued by the very fear of it. Since meeting Talia however things not only looked up but much brighter, but it faded when she had to return to her own quarters. Alone in his quarters he paced, so much had happened between them, he felt open, free and without being judged for his inexperience or hesitations. If asked he would admit that she was helping him open up, use his abilities more, communicate such but night was still night and it held demons in the dark.

It hadn't occurred to Talia that her tension and restlessness might be because her bondmate was tense and uneasy. She herself was having difficulty with the idea of having a bondmate at all. It wasn't that she minded, the easy intimacy or the sharing of her mind for she'd done that since she was born, but it was the depth of emotion it conjured in them both. Leo was part of her now, and she welcomed it, and was apprehensive about what that meant for the future. She supposed it was easier to be bound at 7, when you don't have to face these sorts of soul searching issues...because it's always been. But when you've always been alone, or searching only for the physical pleasures it was different needing someone. Loving someone.

Leo missed Talia and now was one of those moments he wished she was there with him. Talia had shown he did not have to be alone, the affection between them, the intimacy which even with his inexperience she didn't judge or mind, simply guided and enjoyed the sharing. Since that moment Talia had played on Leo's mind alot, sometimes even distractedly so while at work. Leo hoped things with Talia worked out, she was truly unique, accepting, beautiful and filled with depth both spiritually and emotionally. He tugged off his shirt and clothing to grab a shower before bed.

Steepling her fingers Talia took her mind down a path that her father had taught her to drain tension from the body and find peace. One parent at either shoulder to help her guide her mind to calm and return safely. It was a deep meditation, and yet she could still feel Leo. Would he always be there lurking in the back of her mind. She yearned to call to him, to wrap herself around him and just sleep.

The shower yielded but a minor comfort, though clean in body the mind still toiled. Tonight was going to be one of those nights, he could feel it. He grabbed a towel and dried himself then slipped on some shorts, set the usual alarms and crawled between the sheets of bed and ever since that night it had felt empty. Since that night he'd thought of Talia often but feared what saying anything would do, one word, but how would she take it.

Yearning trickled through her, not hers but his. Hers answered him, but she didn't suspect he could hear her, even though he was directly above her. They needed a stairwell joining their quarters.

His head felt heavy on the pillow as he closed his eyes, he knew what was to come as it loomed above him like a turbulent cloud only there was no peace before the storm, just the storm. He tried to think of Talia, Dinner, massage, intimacy but it was swarmed by the fog of what wanted his attention, the horrors of his past.

Her eyes snapped open as she was thrown out of her meditations by a storm of emotions from Leo. She was staggered by the force of it, and briefly wondered how he managed to keep that hidden from her. "Oh...Leo..." she whispered as she fought her way out of the blanket that was covering her.

"The containment field wont hold." A voice called.

"Route emergency power to the emitters." Leo called back amidst noises of damage, as if weapons fire striking the ship with the groan the hull would make as each hit was bore.

"Go to the secondary console on."

Leo could feel and hear the fire, the suppression systems had failed as the room burned around him, vision stung and throat harsh from the effects. When he arrived at the secondary console in the other room he began routing commands to it but disaster struck. A forcefield activated at the door he just walked through, computer safety systems had kicked in to contain the fire but the damage failed to read lifesigns in the room.

"Leo, LEO!! whats happened?"

"Safety systems have kicked in, I'm trying to override." Leo yelled as the flames grew louder, hotter and more fierce. He was just about to make progress when a light, a green light lit up the console by the door with the forcefield. Strambling up the stairs he raced for it and pressed it. Nothing. Again and again Leo struck the console with the palm of his hand to lower the field to help his fiends exit the room. What Leo had just now realised, his friend, colleague, comrade was holding the field closed. "Shaun, what are you doing, let go of the console....what are you doing Shaun!!!"

"If we drop the field, the ship goes Leo....I'm sorry."

"Shaun, please....don't do this, lower the field and get out...please!!!!!" Tears streamed down his face, his voice croaky. Seconds later a conduit exploded in the room flooding it with plasma incinerating everything and everyone in the room. The field flashed as it held back the green wave but Leo only saw white as his mind screamed out with all its might, all its fury, rage, anguish and emotion at watching his fiends die.

Talia was out of her quarters before she even realized that she'd stood up. When she opened her eyes, she was standing at the turbolift, barefoot in her pale cream tank top and star patterened purple boxer shorts. It was moments before she was on the deck above her quarters, and she pressed hand and forehead to the door of her love. She heard him, screaming in his sleep faintly from her vantage point.

"Computer, emergency medical override Varen1317"

As if on fire himself Leo was flailing in bed, crying out while still asleep living the nightmare again. Pillow strewn across the floor and the blanket tangling itself around his legs and draping off the bed. Sweat teamed on Leo's flailing frame as he cried out, the air was thick with the scent of fear, horror, dread and loss.

The door swished shut behind her and his scream filled the air with the sounds of misery. Tears, unnoticed by her, slipped down both cheeks as she entered his bedroom. His hands were fisted in the blankets, and he was sweating, clearly lost in a nightmare. Reaching out she laid her hand on the center of his chest.

The touch snapped him to the now, as if my reflex action he grabbed the limb of the one who touched him and stared at them right in the eyes. It had not registered it was Talia yet, tears blurring his view but he lowered his barriers and bombarded his guest everything emotional, shared with them everything he'd felt, saw and feared. As if dragging her into his nightmare so she could see it too, feel it, that which he'd be hiding inside all these years.

Flames, and the agony of loss crashed around her as she stood in the center of his nightmare. The acrid scent of a plasma fire hung in the air. She couldn't separate from it, so she walked into the smoke, to find Leo. Still screaming, he wasn't hard to find him. Talia wrapped her arms around him, sliding her body into the bed to support him, even as her psychic self wrapped her arms around dream Leo.

The loss of his friends was one thing, but watching them die and helpless to do anything about it because Shaun stopped him was another. When Talia appeared however he knew something had changed, something was different. The real world shaking ebbed and stopped as he slowly registered she was with him in bed. In the one hand he felt angry, angry that she would see him like this at his most vulnerable, his weakest and emotion while in another he was glad she was here.

Her fingers stroked through sweat soaked hair, and her lips pressed to his damp forehead. As his trembling eased she felt the anger in him and her shields quavered in the force of his emotional onslaught.

More sensations registered pulling him to the waking world, he felt her, her mind, her touch, her presence as his eyes opened. This nightmare would have a better ending as he saw Talia, his arms went around her pulling her close to him. "I didn't want you to see that." Not realizing that she felt it, not realizing the bond she'd formed with him, the strength of it.

"I can imagine you don't want to anyone to see that" she whispered and then brushing a kiss to his temple she continued "You called to me ...I couldn't stay away."

"Called to you?" Leo spoke opening his eyes wider, he didn't recall calling to her, he thought she was asleep already. Her body close to his was a welcome embrace, her frame lined to his as he held her for comfort and support.

"I was meditating, trying to get rid of my tension." Taking a deep breath she stroked his hair gently, feeling his tension roaring though her. He was still trembling in her arms, even as she felt his wet cheek press against her chest. "I heard you scream."

She right now was his pillar of strength, his rock in the moment that otherwise would sweep him up yet again within its emotionally stormy grasp. "If you did, I wonder what other telepaths did." He didn't like the idea of his inner most demons had been broadcast to everyone able to sense it.

"No, I am certain It was just me that heard you." she whispered, because the scream came not from his mind but from their bond.

"I am sorry to have disturbed you with it." He felt ashamed, not only had she seen the darkest part of him, a part he'd kept hidden from everyone but it had disturbed her and disrupted her routine to come rushing to him. He knew she had to have rushed or disturbed because of the top she wore and his legs felt her skin, indicating shorts.

"No. Do not apologize for mourning your friends k'diwa" the word escaped her without her realizing it but she bit her lip and continued to stroke his hair. "How many years has this tormented you?"

"17 years." Leo replied. "It comes and goes, sometimes I wont have the dream for weeks, others its every other day."

Her fingertips brushed a tear off his cheek and she whispered "Tell me."

Leo explained the days of his youth, how he was once a bright eyed eager young, new promoted Lieutenant enjoying all that Starfleet had to offer. Then how that all came crashing down when he lost his closest friends. How an attack by raiders coming out of the nebula had damaged the ship he was serving on, the power to the weapons had been severed and he ran to weapons control on a lower deck. That was where the accident happened, one that would forever change his view on life and Starfleet, died that day did the young eager Lieutenant and born was a man instilled with realism, painful experience and a respect for everything.

The retelling was interspersed with flashes of memory from him and he didn't even realize he was sharing. His friends face was foremost in his mind, and she memorized it, knowing that Shaun was an integral part of this. He'd carried the guilt of this night with him for 17 years. Her hand was clasped in his, and she felt his pain, anger and terrible guilt through their fingers. "Shaun...was a hero."

"That doesn't make it right. He sent me out of that room, did he know? Did he plan it all along?" Leo asked. "I could have done the job any one of them was doing so why me?" He asked, hoping for answers but expecting none that would quell the need for one. 17 years was a long time true, but it was a page in his life that was still open and pen still in hand.

"What did he send you for?" she asked softly

"With all the systems damage I had to use the secondary controls which was in the adjacent room. As soon as I started work a force field activated. I tried to bring it down with an override but when I got to the door, he kept his hand on the override, I couldn't bring it down because he held it up on purpose." Leo spoke as if recalling ever facet, every detail from the dream as clearly as if he saw it yesterday.

"It was necessary for you to be where you were?"

"I keep telling myself I was, that I was the closest one to the door." Leo spoke as his hold on Talia remained. "I don't want to think he did it because I was the youngest or the ranking officer."

"Maybe knowing that he was going to die, made him just want to save someone." her voice was soft. "Maybe he just sent you because you could do the job."

It made sense, but still didn't feel right. Shaun was always putting himself out to help others but this...for it to cost a life in exchange for his own. "We all knew the risks when we joined up, something easy to forget at times."

"In his position would you have done the same thing?"

"Of course." Leo spoke slightly hurt she'd ask. "I didn't join up to back away from danger."

"Listen to what you just said..." she whispered pressing her lips to his forehead once more.

Talia was right, as much as he didn't want her to be, she was. Shaun had saved someone just as Leo would have. Leo's problem was accepting that it was he that was the one saved. He didn't ask for it, even as he battled to lower the force field.

"I for one, am glad that he gave you that chance." she whispered laying their clasped hands over his chest. She felt the beat of his heart rapidly underneath her hand.

Leo didn't answer, instead he held onto her, even his ankle hooked around hers as he tried to get as close as possible to her comfort, the warmth and care she was offering him, hoping it would scare away the demons and for once, if only for tonight make things better.

Talia whispered to him in Vulcan, as he clung to her and she in turn to him. As the sweat and tears dried on their skin, the words faded into silence, she hoped he would sleep without interruption in her arms.


OFF:
Commander Leonardo Luciano
Executive Officer
Starbase 332

and

Lt. Commander Talia Varen
Chief Medical Officer
Starbase 332