Fractured

Posted on Sat Nov 9th, 2019 @ 5:41am by Commander Talia Varen

Mission: After the Storm
Location: XO's Quarters

Leo had been relieved of duty, Talia had seen to that. He had said nothing since his discharge, silence was a companion that walked side by side with him as Talia did the other. He couldn't stop thinking, picturing, recollecting what had happened and how close it came to repeating history that had left such a traumatic mark on his life. Talia had been understanding, possibly more so than he was capable of, no doubt partly due to her partial Vulcan side. On more than one occasion he'd realized that he'd been tapping, his fingers rapping on a tabletop, cutlery, his foot. How close things had been to repeating itself.....

Hed said nothing since hed been admitted, not during the treatment, nothing. Her acceptance of his silence was not going to last much longer, Vulcan side be damned. She had her control pressed to the breaking point and found she had a desire to meditate...and push her fiancee into their bed.

Sat at his desk reading reports, anything to distract his mind but as the minutes passed they became less and less effective. Sleep was a luxury, a few minutes here, maybe an hour or so there, a sitting doze from time to time but otherwise a good restful sleep was not afforded him. Alone in the main living space, Talia in the other room his anger started to peak as he was finding it harder and harder to bottle it up.

Talia's eyes snapped open immediately and she sat up to open her drawer. Inside there was a tiny telepathic blocker, that would keep Leos outburst in no matter how bad it was. On silent feet she moved towards his office...

Leo rose from his chair and started to pace, another habit he'd developed to help control himself but even that was failing him. Anger, rage, fury was so thick it could be cut with a knife. He stopped in the centre of the room. Fists clenched, muscles tensed up as he leaned forward but a little, fisted hands almost together but inches from his waist. His face red with the tense pressure he was being subjected too.

Talia walked into the room clad only in the thin sky blue satin teddy that shed gone to meditate in. The feel of it against her skin helped, and she stopped taken aback by the picture of pure trembling rage that was her Imzadi. "Leo?" She said, a bare whisper of sound.

The interruption so sudden, unexpected triggered his outburst. Eyes clamped shut, mouth open as if to shout the anguish of every fiber of his being and yet nothing came out. Not even a whisper. In that moment the barriers he kept up so fiercely dropped and like a drawbridge to an invading army welcomed, a shockwave of empathic emotion like an exploding sun was unleashed. So tightly wound he was that the pressure inside his head built to the point where in his explosion his nose started to bleed. After a few seconds he dropped to his knees, tears, lightly sobbing, beaten.

Talia had been expecting it and the silent outburst struck her like a physical blow. Rocking her back a step with its impact, she instantly had a reaction headache but she knelt beside Leo to wrap her arms around him.

Leo sobbed, shattered, broken and tired. For so long he'd bottled it up inside, wrapped it up hoping to stuff away in a dark corner but that only served to make it worse. As he bled on her arm, open, exposed like a nerve to the elements he stayed.

Talia’s silent presence was a pillar of strength and love. Their bond was so tight that she was weeping even as she cradled her sobbing mate. He had decades of darkness to purge himself of, and would need her until the depths of his despair was eased.

Gradually the sobbing stopped, his breathing though deep was slower. Tortured from an ever repeating nightmare he was unsure where to start but knew Talia understood the cause. From back then with friends to now with a Colonel he hardly knew, the situation was the same but only the characters differed. He softly apologised, apologised for what he'd put her through, the silence he'd kept and for making her feel ignored. Even as the drops of blood on Talia's arm had started to dry more came, his nose bleed yet to stop.

Cradling his wet face in her palms she leaned in and pressed her lips to his forehead, nose and then his lips. Her fingertips rested upon his cheek, and their minds brushed again. ~Amore...~

~Mi dispiace.~ Leo spoke, apologetic but calming. So much anger, so much raw rage, anguish, pain and suffering bottled up, he didn't doubt why he was so tired. He held onto Talia firmly, slipping in his grasp at first with his hand because of the silk teddy. "I should probably shower." He managed to speak with a slightly deeper tone of voice from the strain he had silently subjected it to, knowing that he probably had perspired heavily in his moment of breaking.

Silently she agreed with the idea of a shower, but she didnt want to let Leo go for one moment. Her fingers slid into his hair as she moulded her body to his.

The relationship with Talia was a wholesome one, a deep one. She was his Imzadi, is first, he didn't feel judged, only supported, he didn't feel he needed to change, just accepted as he was. In his moment of weakness she was there for him. She she held him he was holding her closely drawing in warmth and comfort from her, rebuilding his shattered self.

He was still trembling and it was all she could do to just hold him. She ached to take his pain away, but that trauma she couldnt heal for him until he was ready. Her lips erased the tears from his cheeks.

As Talia kissed his cheeks he turned his head into her shoulder, to make it easier for her but her hair was soft and gentle, a pleasant fragrance, calming, soothing. Talia had long hair which he was particularly fond of, she never hesitated showering him in her love and affection, not afraid to take the initiative in such matters socially or privately. She was everything he needed, all that he wanted and his hold on her firm as if someone might, just take it all away from him.

"Would you like to soak together in the bath?" Came the soft question from a bare inch away from his face.

A silent nod, a sense of ease as Leo was gradually coming back to his normal self. He did enjoy a bath, a good soak over a sonic shower did help him relax. The fact she would join him not only made the idea more appealing but it would keep her close to him. Even if she had suggested it for just himself, he would have asked she stay next to him as he bathed.

"Computer fill bath, hot water, and a drop of rosemary oil." The vulcan blood in her made it easy for her to lift him to his feet.

A blood stained uniform, her arm too he'd noticed as he stood. Piece by piece his uniform came off. He remained silent as he did this, there was little to say that she couldn't pick up from his emotions or through the bond. The sound of the water in the background, the aroma of rosemary. The uniform disguarded where it fell, to be picked up later but that was for later, what he needed was now.

Shed worn worse things than blood, but the blood made her want to be in the bath. "Circulate water" she whispered as she backed up, her fingers gently leading Leo towards her and the water.

"I hope your sister didn't feel that." Leo spoke, knowing that any outburst like that would effect Talia and in turn, the sister would feel that.

"She might have done. I am unconcerned." Talias shrug was eloquent and she dipped her fingers in the water. It was warm, and she stepped in not bothering to remove the teddy. It glued itself to her every curve

Leo now bare of clothing slipped in after her, it was large enough for the pair of them. The water wrapped around him in a warm soothing embrace that welcomed him into its comforts. "If anything this experience has showed me that life is fragile, it can be whisped away at a moment. We should get married." They were already engaged and while this recent crisis had put it on hold the topic was a less rushed one before. Hastened now.

"We should" she agreed softly settling down into his lap which is where she knew that he wanted her.

His hands rode up her back pressing her to him, drawing from it that which one a loved one could provide. The Teddy had indeed stuck to her perfect frame, every curve and line followed, every area highlighted for his viewing pleasure. "I'm sorry for distancing myself." He spoke softly. "I just needed time."

"You injured yourself more in trying to hide your pain from me" Talia observed, her fingertips working shampoo into his hair.

"I didn't want to drag you down into a darkness that I was faced with again." Forgetting for a moment that through the bond she had witnessed the root of his demons.

"We could have faced it together. I would have stood by you beloved. It is no different than when you wake screaming from the nightmares."

He would have nodded were it not for the fingers in his hair. "I know." In an effort to protect he had harmed himself, more work for Talia, his beloved, his Imzadi to fix. "The radiation has not damaged my ability to have children has it?" The idea that through his actions, regardless of duty or heroics, had cost him dearly would have been crippling.

"Only temporarily. It will have damaged the sperm currently present but once those are flushed out any new sperm should be fine."

A relief at least, he'd often wondered what Talia would look like pregnant, a smile on his face at the mental image he'd created. The teddy soft under his fingers as his hands rested upon her as she washed him, it was very relaxing and much needed his body was telling him. "Thats good then."

She blushed at the image he had in his head and laid her hand over her flat belly "You still want to be a papa?" She whispered her fingers massaging the back of his neck.

"I've been thinking about it. Until you I had been a career officer, Starfleet was it, I was happy. Its not just me now and with you I am happier, with you I have options open to me that i didn't before and the idea of being a parent...I'm sure your sister can tell you the joys of it." Leo replied, keeping still under her gentle and tender care.

Talia chuckled low in her throat and pressed a kiss to his throat. "My sister would be over the moon if I were to have a baby. We would never hear the end of it." shed never considered it before, but the idea of giving Leo a child warmed her. "You were...desperately lonely before our accidental bond..."

"Was I that obvious?" He suspected he was, doing the typical thing of wrapping his life up in the uniform but Talia had extra abilities, both racial and womanly intuition.

"I felt it. Dont you remember that night?" Her voice took on a warmth borne of memory. It was beautiful, how passionate they'd been, how much hed needed her.

"How could I forget." He grinned, perhaps the first time since the accident happened. "Such a night."

Her fingers slid down his back as she settled onto his lap, astride. Her thumbs gently dug into the tension at the base of his skull.

Taking in the view of her in his lap he asked. "Do you have more of these, they look really nice?" He knew she was always happy to show herself to him but dressing up was something she always did very well, socially or otherwise intimately.

"These?" She tugged on the teddy and then nodded "I have a few more. Some more lacy than others."

"I do like it when you dress like this, for us, within the privacy of our own home." Leo knew Talia was more comfortable than he doing so at home, from her however he was becoming more comfortable because she encouraged, enticed it.

Another of those chuckles answered him "Are you becoming more....adventurous my Leonardo?" She teased gently, continuing to ease the tension from him.

"I've been drawing a lot from you since we got together, the bond has helped that I admit, its encouraging, supporting." Leo spoke letting her hands work on the tension out of his neck and head. He chuckled. "Do you remember the time I came into sickbay, I was tense, muscles were tight. Do you remember how red I went just seeing the lace of your bra that time?"

"I do remember." A giggle escaped her and her eyes met his. "I cant tell you how badly I wanted you that day. "

"And you didn't say anything? Where was that Vulcan forwardness that I've seen so often?" Leo replied with an amused expression on his face.

"I didnt realize you werent going to notice." Her chagrin was tempered by the amused smile on her lips.

Leo's arms went around her, holding her to him as she did as she wished. "And now look at us. Bonded and all." It was if the cloud of what happened had drifted over the horizon, Talia had driven it away and stood vigil over him to ensure it never returned.

Bending down, Talia pressed her lips to his. The kiss was gentle and sweet, much as their relationship still was. It was still fresh and new, for them both. The passion simmered deeper in them, the pure unaltered need for each other. They were the perfect compliment for each other.

Leo held the kiss, even beyond when the initial one was done, then the next, even into the next. His arms around her, the breath he'd been holding was released as he melted into the affectionate and tender givings of his Imzadi.