Matchmaker from Hell

Posted on Tue May 12th, 2015 @ 10:30pm by Ensign Corrine Steiner
Edited on on Sun Jul 12th, 2015 @ 3:53pm

Mission: Blooming Friendships
Location: Quarters, Starbase 332
Timeline: After duty shift

[ON]

Fatigued as usual, Corrine knew that tonight would be her very first night of quality sleep. Special dreams or not, tomorrow morning she would be bright eyed and actually rested. Getting to bed, however, might be a challenge.

Corrie's door chimed and Computer quietly announced, "Ferengi merchant Choople." Gritting her teeth, she sighed with closed eyes.

"Yooo hooo! Ensign Steiiiiinerrrr! Are you in there?"

She knew full well that he knew that she was. "Computer, open."

The door slid open to a Ferengi grinning sharp teeth from ear to ear. "Congratulations!" He invited himself in. "I heard the happy news!" As though shocked, he suddenly stopped acenter the room. His eyes were wide as saucers and he began a spastic snorting. "What is that horrible smell! I CAN'T BREATHE! I CAN'T BREATHE!"

Amazed, Corrie looked over at her treasured bouquet. She smiled and spoke with low quiet voice, "Oh, Captain S'er'in'e! I really DO love you!"

It was worse, hence better than she had thought. The little orange man actually began turning gray. "HaaaaaaaCHOOIE!!! SAVE ME!"

Corrie ushered him out of her quarters and closed the door. She actually considered calling a medical alert, but he gestured as he took deep breaths. "Oh, thank you! I'm okay! I'm okay!"

Corrie could only whisper to herself, "God bless the flowers..."

"Ensign, you need to call in hazardous life support alert!"

"No Choople. You've just discovered a new Ferenginarian allergy."

"Well, throw those hideous life forms away!"

She squinted, "Over your dead body!"

He stared with wide eyes for a moment. "Oookay. Those must be very important mating components." Choople nodded, "I can accept that. We can't jeopardize a chance for someone like you to find a mate."

"Excuse me?"

"Well... hoomons are so homely! Statistically, their chances of finding a mate are-"

Corrie smacked her combadge, "Steiner to sickbay... medical alert! One nearest to me is experiencing a new and unknown toxic reaction. Emergency beamover. He'll need FULL tests run on him!"

"No! No! I'm fine! I..." The little orange-gray man shimmered away.

She sighed hard with squinted eyes and gritted teeth, returning to her heavenly aromatic refuge.

It wouldn't last long, however. An hour later, just before she laid down and dimmed the lights, the door chimed again. "Yoooohoooo! It's me agaaain!"

After a few hushed curses, she opened the door. Before her stood Choople. He wore a big, light full bubble space helmet over his head... and a big smile.

"Choople, it's late. What do you want?"

He pushed past her, "Oh, I wanted to congratulate you on your new life change! And a Caitian, no less! You're a very brave hooman, you know. I mean, they can get just ferocious as Klingons and Andorians!" He opened his jacket to project a cluster of holobrochures. "You're going to need cross-xenological classes to make this relationship work! Customs, psychology, marriage rituals,... I'm here to help you!" He nodded with sense of assurance, "It'll be good, you come under the authority of a man."

"Out!"

"What did I say?"

"OUT!!"

Corrie started walking towards him with fierce eyes. Discretion being the better part of valor, Choople backed his way out the door. "I can see that you need a little time to get a grip on your irrational female emotions."

With wild eyes, she drew her ubiquitous laser probe, to which the Ferengi took off running. She very seriously considered putting a low power burn on his bony little butt. On any other night, she would have. However, that would entail staying up a couple of more hours answering to Security. Tonight, nothing would interfere with her inaugural full sleep.

Corrie took a hot shower to calm down and she slipped into silk that she rarely bothered wearing. She dimmed the lights, and before laying down, she took a close whiff of her blooms and gave them a careful, thankful kiss.

Just before switching off her console, she made a call. "Steiner to Security. If that twerp Choople shows up at my door again tonight... shoot him."

[OFF]

---------------------------

Ensign Corrine Steiner
Ferengi Merchant Choople

Starbase 332
Pegasus Fleet