Trojan Crutches

Posted on Sun May 17th, 2015 @ 12:52am by Ensign Corrine Steiner & Enlisted Cadet Jasmine [P: Steiner]
Edited on on Sun Jul 12th, 2015 @ 3:52pm

Mission: Blooming Friendships
Location: Corridors, Starbase 332

[ON]

Choople reassessed the tactical economics. Efforts to approach the hoomon Steiner about marital issues had almost earned him laser probe burns. Attempts to similarly engage the Caitian S'er'in'e could have ended worse. They had also failed to connect with the Shokirian, but that was caused by external interference. Simple risk management dictated that she was the best option of the moment.

Aware of the general environmental antipathy towards Ferengi, Choople analyzed his customer and strategized accordingly. "Okay. She's female with sensitive motherly emotions, right?"

It seemed logical to his cohorts. "The Jasmine appears to be."

"So, we capitalize upon that!" He used the C-word, a motivational management method. Choople took his crew over to a vendor on Promenade-2 in order to purchase disguises and props. By the time the costume shop was done, all of them sported fake cuts and bruises. They also hobbled along on crutches and had some arms in slings.

It took a little research, but the Ferengi finally learned enough details about Cadet Jasmine's current Steiner support duties. They knew where to lay their trap.

Later in the day, a background intercom voice called, =/Cadet Jasmine, you have an equipment delivery in staging bay forty one.\=

On her way there, she spotted the devious threesome. Rather than charge her with unbridled enthusiasm, they looked at her in faux horror and frantically hobbled away.

Astonished, Jasmine diverted out of the Ops area and caught up with them. "Sirs! What happened?"

"We're not doing anything to you!"
"We're not harassing you!"
"Please don't tell them to hurt us again!"

Alarmed, she pleaded, "What are you talking about? I don't hurt people? Shouldn't you be in sickbay for your injuries?"

Choople lamented mournfully, "Oh no... It's okay. Really. We'll recover... we hope. No need to bother over us. We've caused you enough trouble already."

His assistant added with pitiful expression, "All we were trying to do was help poor Ensign Steiner, but alas, woe are we!"

"Sirs, please. Accompany me to the rest area. Sit with me and explain?"

With overacted moans and false twinges of pain, they slowly hobbled over to bench seats. "That's the price for enlightened civilizations such as Ferenginar. We suffer the slings and arrows of primitive, uncivilized anger."

As they sat, they weaved a sorrowful tale of how a brute squad had beaten them for approaching her.

Jasmine was brought to the border of tears, "You were trying to help Corrine?"

"Oh yes!" A glance from Choople got him to temper his spark of enthusiasm. "She's in for such a rough time with Captain S'er'in'e, if she goes into a relationship unprepared! They're totally incompatible."

Choople lit up a little, "But see, that's where we could help! My associate, here, is a professional xeno-marriage broker! He is thoroughly trained in the complex aspects of forging interspecies unions."

Jasmine's eyes widened, "Marriage? Don't you think you're a little premature, here?"

Advised not to use the expression 'mail order brides', the older associate gave a snooty nod, "Not at all. Initial friendships are critical to harmonious unification. Without professional guidance, even the most well intended couples can't hope to cope with the complexities."

The cadet smiled, "Oh come on. Love is universal."

"True, but there are practical realities of culture adjustment, dietary and environmental compatibilities, copulation packages..."

"What?"

Choople tactically interjected, "Hoomons are less civilized. They don't rationally calculate profitable marriages. They act on primal emotions and sensory pleasures."

Mr. Snooty affirmed, "Indeed. Absence regular healthy sexual experience is a ranking cause for marriage failures."

Flushing with embarrassment, Jasmine asked, "Um, what exactly do you intend, then?"

"Surgery. It's quite obvious that hoomon Steiner will need restructuring before she can safely engage in connubial bliss."

Jasmine's curiosity won out over her sense of dread, "Whyyy?"

"Caitian, like all feline species, have penial barbs."

The cadet's eyes widened.

Choople lowered uncouthness to a new depth, "Steiner is an impressive hoomon cow, but S'er'in'e is seven feet tall and weighs five hundred pounds. Do the math."

Jasmine's eyes widened at hearing the term 'cow'.

Mr. Snooty continued explaining, "If the hoomon female is going to provide her mate with consistent marital pleasures, then surgical restructuring is in order."

The cadet's jaw dropped, "Excuse me, but what about Corrine's side of it all. What about her pleasures?"

Choople and Mr. Snooty exchanged a contemplative stare. At length, they seemed to agree. The ring leader shrugged accommodatingly, "I don't see anything wrong with that." He looked to her, "Yeah, that's okay, I suppose."

Jasmine's eyes about crossed from disbelief. Horrible realization began to creep over her. "Oh no... what have I done?"

Choople obtusely misunderstood her meaning, "Hey! It's okay! Simple misunderstanding!" He offered a cheerie smile, "We were here to help before, and we're still here to help now!"

It was too much for her. Nearly breathing in panic, she tried to get up and leave, but they were in the way. "No... please! I need to go!"

"Oh dear! What's wrong? We are so sorry if we said something to offend you! Aren't we?"
"Oh, yes, Shokirian! Absolutely!"
"We want to make it up to you! We're talking serious discount coupons, here!"

Intrastaton beamouts were only to be called for in emergencies, but she smacked her combadge anyway. It immediately beeped signal failure.

Behind Jasmine, Choople's assistant gave a wicked grin and thumbs up. The small jamming device was working perfectly.

Jasmine would not be thwarted. Corrie had taught her what to do if cornered by harassing Ferengi, scream. She took a deep breath and went for it, but there was almost no sound. Choople, who had vowed never to be brigged over a woman's scream again, carried an antisound emitter.

It looked like the predators had closed the trap on the poor cadet. The perfect last step would be to 'offer' her a quick little something to calm her down, i.e. hypo sedative. However, they didn't know what would work or even be safe on this new contact species.

Whatever they had planned, even kidnapping, would not have a chance. A security squad beamed in and rescued the damsel in distress. The little orange men had made one small miscalculation. Communication jammers emit distinctive electromagnetic noise, something any respectable base security system would immediately flag and alarm. The squad summarily took the Ferengi into custody and whisked them away. After taking a statement from Jasmine, one of them escorted her back to Ens. Steiner.

"Good Lord! What happened?"

The guard explained in a word, "Ferengi."

"Okay, I've got her. Thank you, Officer. I'll follow up with your office."

"Ma'am."

"Come on, Jasmine." Corrie took her into a side office, sat her down, and fetched a cup of water for her.

Tears flowed, "Corrine... I am so sorry! It's my fault!"

"What're you talking about?"

Jasmine sank to her knees, "I failed you horribly! You'll want to be rid of me!"

People outside could hear the steady drone of voices coming from around the corner. They couldn't make out the wording until Ens. Steiner yelled, "He said WHAT?"

Inside, Jasmine sat devastated in a flood of tears.

As shocked and infuriated as Corrie was, her compassion dominated. Settling down, she sat next to the distraught girl. Her voice was gentle, "Jazz, you don't seem like the foolish type. Why spread rumors about me and Captain S'er'in'e all over?"

Almost numbed, the cadet stared listlessly, "To protect you."

"Protect me? From what?"

Jasmine shuddered as she took in a calming breath, "People talk behind your back. It's either doubts about your fitness to be chief, or it's old fashioned vulgarity." Corrine didn't respond immediately, so she added, "Civilians are overt about it. Fleeters are more subtle with the double entendre." She was able to calm a bit. "I thought... that if it was known that you found favor with a powerful Marine Captain, that people would be much less brave about attacking you."

Corrie nodded, actually seeming to relax. She folded her hands in her lap, "Jazz, concerning challenges to my competency, they were right. In fact, I almost went to Captain Von to tell her I can't handle the job."

Jasmine stared with amazement, "Whaaat?"

She tipped her head, "Then, along came the healing flowers... and you. Every day now, I'm getting stronger, more alert. My concentration is better than I ever remember. Hell yes, I can do this job now!" That evoked a smile. "But I'm going to have to earn my way back. I'm going to have to prove that the new me is here to stay." Corrie sighed, "As far as the crude innuendo goes..."

"Report it. Command will come down on them hard."

Corrie shook her head, "No. That'll just bury their contempt deeper. That will come back to bite in a bad way." She made eye contact, "As long as it's not extremely overt, let them be vulgar. I want to let them show who they are."

"What about Captain S'er'in'e? He's bound to get hit by the rumor train."

Corrie sighed, rubbing at the back of the girl's neck, "I'll talk to him." A smile flickered, "I have a confession to make."

Jasmine tipped her head.

"My mind has been drifting Captain S'er'in's way, just a little bit."

A smile broke through a teary face, "Really?"

Corrie smiled, sighing, "Really. But!" She winced in eye contact, "Barbs?"

Jasmine gave an apologetic, sympathetic look, "Yeah, barbs."

"Ouch."

[OFF]

-------------------------------

Cadet Jasmine [P: Steiner]
Ens. Corrine Steiner
Scoundrel Ferengis

Starbase 332
Pegasus Fleet